Monday, September 29, 2008

Top 5 Places to Eat On or Around USC

No big intros, lets just get to the list.

5) Chano's


Why it Made this List: The late night eating options around USC's campus generally consist of: McDonald's, Taco Bell, Jack in the Box, Denny's, Subway and Del Taco. By merely being open until 3 am just about every night and not being part of a huge chain of restaurants, Chano's endears itself to the party crowd on the Row. The food always hits the spot for those willing to make the drunken, treacherous trek to go and get it. Make sure you wash it down those tacos with an Horchata or a Champurrado.
Shortcomings: Being open late at night and a chain restaurant are pretty much the only reason this one's on the list. The quality of the food isn't the greatest and it's certainly not the healthiest option. It's also kind of a sketchy location late at night, but then again, what location late at night near USC isn't?

4) Galen Center


Why it Made this List: First let me clarify... USC has two Galen Centers. The Galen Center is the new stadium across Figueroa where the Trojans plays home basketball and volleyball games. Galen Center is the oddly placed building behind Heritage Hall (USC's athletic nucleus) where USC's varsity athletes go to dine. This hidden spot is one of campus' best kept secrets because while it's exclusive to athletes during dinner, its open to the public at night. The food is fit for a hungry Trojan athlete. They have delicious hamburgers with fresh fries, juicy "daily grille" specials, and plenty of protein overall. The best part about Galen Center though is the atmosphere. The room is decked out like what I imagine a Trojan chain restaurant would be like, there are comfy booths, and big screen televisions showing ESPN and ESPN News non-stop. There's also the intangible cool factor of eating where the Trojan team eats.
Shortcomings: But you didn't honestly think this wouldn't come at a price did you? Galen Center will run you well over $10 for a decent sized meal. That's not terrible for being on campus, but the problem for students on a meal plan is that Galen Center doesn't accept Dining Dollars, only cash (or discretionary funds on a USC Card). Also, the kitchen is slow sometimes.

3) Armando's


Why it Made this List: This is another hidden gem on campus at USC. In fact it's very well hidden because it's just inside the maintenance parking lot across the street from the Lyon Center. The restaurant itself isn't much, a food truck parked in a parking lot. But it may be one of the best all-around dining experiences at USC. The truck is owned by Armando, a friendly cashier/restaurateur who seems to finish every sentence with "my friend". The food is a mix between Mexican cuisine and American treats. The USC Chicken sandwich, California Burger, and Macho Burrito are some of my personal favorites. While there is an extensive menu on the side of the truck, the cool part about Armando's is the secret menu. Trojan football fans can order a Taylor Mays, a Keith Rivers, or a Lendale White at Armando's (I don't remember what's in each one, except that there's generally a lot of meat). This is the place where Pete Carroll and his coaching staff get their breakfast burritos from in the mornings. The cost of all this is usually under $5, and I guarantee you won't get a better meal at that price or friendlier service anywhere else on campus.
Shortcomings: It's not as cheap as you might expect it to be. The line and wait times during a lunch time rush are generally pretty bad. Obviously you shouldn't eat here if you're looking for a sit down place.

2) Viztango Cafe

Why it Made this List: It made this list because goddamnit I love my Italian food. And there's no better place to grab a delicious, huge portion of pasta. Boy do they have a variety of pastas.... pesto sauces, red sauces, alfredo sauces, and pink sauces with a wide variety of proteins and pasta shapes. The Farfalle Pesto is a delicious mix of farfalle pasta, a pesto sauce, chicken, and sun dried tomatoes. The Linguini Seafood is linguine with a big mix of clams, shrimp, etc. with tomatos, basil, and a buttery sauce. But that's just two options from a huge picture menu that you can choose from. They have sandwiches and pizzas too, but I haven't tried them yet because there are so many damn pastas to try. The dining room is only ok, but the service is very fast.
Shortcomings: I wish it were open just a little bit later. It can be a little bit pricey, but considering the size of the portions and the fact that with a student a discount card you get a "small" Caesar salad and a bunch of garlic bread, I don't think it's a problem. The food does have a little too much oil a lot of the time though.

1) Parkside Restaurant

Why it Made this List: Anyone who knows USC might have a shocked look on their face right now. Wipe it off, stop buying the negative hype and read on. This is hands down the best quality and bang for your buck at USC as far as food goes. Parkside boasts a wide variety of delicious, perfectly portioned food in an all-you-can-eat style. They have unique cuisines and dishes. Mongolian, Vietnamese, Italian, it all changes from day to day while still maintaining the staples of pizza, burgers, fries, salads. The Tomato Basil soup is a keeper. There's a wide range of desserts too. Apple pie? All yours. Jello? Boring, but take your pick from a bunch of varieties. Ice cream sundae? Make your own! Fruit? Sure, ya damn health nut. Pudding? Yes. You get the idea. Don't forget to come in on Fridays for the best dessert on campus, Oreo pie. I think Parkside is unfairly criticized because people get bored with it after eating there on a meal plan day after day after day. I think that would be the case at just about any of the other restaurants on this list. The sheer value, quality and variety make this my top pick.
Shortcomings: For some ridiculous 'green' reason, Parkside decided to abolish trays. Considering the sheer amount of plates you have to grab to get your fill of Parkside food, this is completely impractical. I think USC did this as a way to cut down on costs rather than actually have a conscience surrounding the environment, but I digress. Also, silverware and condiments can be tough to find as their spread out around the dining room, making it a little inconvenient.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Ground Zero Coffeehouse (If they had anything substantial foodwise they'd clearly make the list... Best milkshakes in Southern California, and easily the best milkshakes I've ever had)
Chipotle (Best burritos around campus! Too bad it's a chain)
Wok Crazy (Not enough value, but a pretty good Asian styled place)
In N' Out (One can dream right? Culver City ain't close enough! I need a Double Double Animal Style on Figueroa and Jefferson right now!!!)

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
EVK (EVK sucks... It just does)

Later,
Alex

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Top 5 Most Forgettable NFL/NBA/MLB/NHL Teams

When you take all four of the "big" pro sports in America, there are 122 teams in total. Yet only four of these teams can be a champion in any given year, and only 52 can make the playoffs. For those of you who know subtraction, that's 70 teams that watch the playoffs where all of us non-pro athletes do... from the couch. Some of the teams are going to get lost in the shuffle. The national media can't hype up all of them. While any good sports fan can probably recognize if a team name is correct or not, naming all of them off the top of your head is tougher than you might think. In order to see what teams are the most "forgettable", I tried to name all of the teams in each league and then looked at either the ones I named last or the ones I outright forgot. Here are some rules for how I picked through the teams:

1) Going division by division is a no-no. Yes, this would be a good way to be thorough, but I'm trying to pick through my own mind here and see which teams fall through the cracks, not make a complete list.

2) There are some biases that are unavoidable. Having not lived or attended games in the Midwest, South, and Mid-Atlantic regions of the US, I'm more prone to forget certain teams. That's just the way it is...

3) Pairs come naturally. If a city or a region or a state has two or more teams, I was a lot more likely to name all of them together. An unfortunate geographic reality...

4) This is not scientific at all... At ALL!

After my top 5 for each league I'm also going to give my best guess as to the teams I would've predicted would be the most easily forgettable.


National Football League (NFL)
MY LIST
5) New Orleans Saints - This was a weird one. I still don't know why this team eluded me. I pull for them every week and Reggie Bush (USC Heisman Trophy winner) is their tailback. It could be because they had such a mediocre season last year.

4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - I grew up an hour from Tampa Bay and I still forgot that this team is here. They're not particularly interesting these days... a borderline playoff team in a pretty weak division. This team is overshadowed by the Miami Dolphins and college football in the state of Florida despite a Super Bowl championship this century.

3) Baltimore Ravens - This is sort of a forgettable city in and of itself, plus the team was 5-11 last season.

2) St. Louis Rams - The "Greatest Show on Turf" days are long gone. This is a terrible team in the middle of the country. Forgetting the Rams didn't really surprise me.

1) Washington Redskins - Lets see.... low-scoring offense, not a lot of big-name players, uninteresting team, racist team name, 3 rings but no Super Bowl trip since 1991. Plus they're easily

PREDICTED LIST
5) Carolina Panthers -
Besides Steve Smith, is there really a big-name player on this team?

4) Houston Texans - This team doesn't have a winning history, many celebrity-type NFL players, and is the red-headed stepchild to the Dallas Cowboys in the state.

3) Cleveland Browns - Great fans, but this team flat-out stinks and isn't nearly as interesting as the train-wreck/jail-bound Cincinnati Bengals that they share the state with. Not helping their case is a total lack of a team logo/memorable helmet.

2) Washington Redskins - Yeah, they deserve to be about here.

1) Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville just plain isn't a major-league city. This team is really the 2nd or 3rd most prominent NFL team in the state of Florida.


National Basketball Association (NBA)
MY LIST
5) Denver Nuggets - I must be really tired to forget this one. I've been to two home games, plus they have two star players in Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson.

4) Golden State Warriors - If this team were the Oakland Warriors or the San Francisco Warriors, I think I'd have remembered them more easily.

3) Utah Jazz - These are some of the most vicious fans in the NBA, but a good team that plays as a team doesn't make the Jazz a memorable team. The small market doesn't help either.

2) Washington Wizards - Forgetting about Washington D.C./Baltimore area teams is a running theme in this Top 5. I think if this team were still the Bullets I'd have forgotten about them too.

1) Charlotte Bobcats - Not even Michael Jordan makes me remember that this team exists. That's really really sad. God does their logo suck.


PREDICTED LIST
5) Indiana Pacers - Name 3 players on this team. If you're not a fan of the NBA or this team, then you probably can't. And no, Reggie Miller doesn't count.

4) Memphis Grizzlies - The University of Memphis basketball team is way more relevant than these hibernating grizzlies.

3) Atlanta Hawks - This may be one of the most poorly run organizations in professional sports.

2) Oklahoma City Thunder - OKC is here because the team name is brand new as is the location.

1) Charlotte Bobcats - I'm still not sure this isn't an ABA or D League team.


Major League Baseball (MLB)

MY LIST
5) Oakland Athletics - Billy Beane must do the most with the least out of any GM in baseball. Too bad that means the team is totally forgettable when they aren't any good (like right now)

4) Toronto Blue Jays - They're unique as the only Canadian team in the league and totally overshadowed by the rest of its division.

3) Minnesota Twins - I'm sorry I forgot this team because they're one of the classiest organizations in all of sports.

2) Detroit Tigers - Maybe I was prone to forget this team after I picked them to make it to win the AL Central before the season began.

1) Milwaukee Brewers - Yeah, I haven't really been to the Midwest much if you couldn't tell.


PREDICTED LIST
5) Pittsburgh Pirates -
They haven't had a winning season in 16 years. It's a small market team as well.

4) Cincinnati Reds - Generic team name, haven't really been a factor in the World Series since 1990.

3) Seattle Mariners - This team holds the record for most wins in a regular season in major league history. Sadly, they choked that year, and they were pretty damn terrible this year too.

2) Florida Marlins - Judging by the fact that this team had fewer than 600 fans at one game, I think a lot of fans in Miami forget they're there too. This is in spite of winning 2 World Series during my lifetime.

1) Washington Nationals/Montreal Expos - A new stadium and a new home don't make up for how bad the Nationals are.

National Hockey League (NHL) - Abridged version

MY LIST
5) Tampa Bay Lightning

4) Washington Capitals

3) Buffalo Sabres

2) St. Louis Blues

1) Carolina Hurricanes


PREDICTED LIST

5) Phoenix Coyotes

4) Atlanta Thrashers

3) New York Islanders

2) Florida Panthers

1) Carolina Hurricanes


Hope you enjoyed it.... non-sports related one should be coming next week if I remember.
-Alex

Monday, September 1, 2008

Top 5 Places Nothing Good Ever Happens At

Remember as a kid being dragged around on errands on a beautiful Sunday? Remember hearing certain stores on the seemingly never-ending list and being happy to hear some and devastated to hear others? For me, Target was on the good list. It's a colorful store with a video game demo section and a significant toys department. There's things to do. What was (and still is) on the bad list? Well that's the point of this entry, so read on. Here are some ground rules.

1) If you thought these other lists were subjective.... this one takes the cake. It's based solely on my own experience, not any other criteria.

2) This list might make more sense if... you're a guy as you might see from a few entries.

3) Don't take things too literally. Obviously jail, and morgues are sad places, war-torn countries, etc. This is fine, but this list has more to do with outright annoying or deviously neutral locales.

Onward!

5) Hobby Lobby

This is sort of a throwaway item, as I don't really have 5 unique places that I could put on this list. Hobby Lobby is mainly here because I couldn't think of anything I'd actually buy here. I guess they do sell particularly strong varieties of model glue, but when your main featured sale is a big discount on "scrapbooking supplies", I don't feel particularly motivated to go inside and spend an afternoon. Speaking of which, there are few activities less interesting to me (and less manly) than cutting and re-gluing photos and words in cheesy, "heartwarming" arrangements. Maybe I'm just not an arts and crafts kind of guy.

4) NASCAR Races

Alright, someone help me with this logic. I'm going to pay to go to a mercilessly loud place, sit in the hot sun in some cases, and get crap spilled on me by wasted fans... all so I can watch cars drive really fast but in a constant left turn. At least as far as variety goes, most people's daily commute to work is far more interesting. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't get the appeal in seeing a bunch of good ol' boys spin around in circles. You know it's a redneck sport when the main entertainment draw is the possibility that someone screws up, crashes their car, and possibly dies in the process. The common defense NASCAR fans give is that if you know the sport, there's a lot of strategy to it. Maybe so, but I'm not sure I really care to know the sport any more than knowing it's not my cup of tea. Throw in the drunken redneck, jock-sniffing and loyal-to-the-grave fans, a dash of excessive patriotism, and the significant possibility that you may go deaf or get skin cancer sitting out in the sun and you've got one fantastic time don't you? Is there anywhere else I'd hate to be more? Three places perhaps...

3) Orthodontist


I don't know about you, but I sure as hell am not a morning person. Any class before ten and it's a crap shoot if I'm not still fast asleep in bed. Hey, early birds may get all of the worms, but late birds get plenty of food that tastes a whole lot better (especially late birds who live near busy outdoor cafe's. Thus, any place that forces you to get up early is likely to make my shit list. At least for my specific orthodontist, there was no flexibility with dates and times. They weren't there Fridays... or most Mondays... or any time after school got out at 3:15. Nope, here are the options the orthodontist often gave me: a) Tuesday at 7 am b) Wednesday during class or c) we won't fix that intricate meta contraption glued to your teeth that's been poking you in the cheek for the last 5 days.
Now if this were life-saving stuff, I might be more inspired, but it's not. All an orthodontist can really fix is a bit of an appearance issue regarding your teeth. Of course this is only after going through you a multi-year period of borderline evil dietary restrictions, social awkwardness, impaired speech, and occasional intense pain. Ahhh, the things we go through for straight teeth. As humans, there is just about nothing that minor that we go through that much trouble to solve. There has to be a better way. Until then, it's just a painful series of trips for the teenage crowd.

2) Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV)

If you didn't see this one coming, then you either aren't from the United States, have never been here or have terrible instincts. DMV's are a lot of fun if you like waiting in queues. In Los Angeles to switch my driver's license from a New Mexico license to a California one, I literally waited in a long line just to get a number to... wait for it... wait in another line. Following that I was sent upstairs to... you guessed it... wait in another line. I then filled out some paperwork which, to turn in, I had to wait... everybody now... in another line. Nope, it doesn't end there. I waited in another pair of lines before my 4-hour odyssey to the DMV was finished.
There are other DMV's in other states where you may wait in fewer lines, but that's made up by time spent just flat out sitting around wishing you'd brought something entertaining to do and generally hating life. Not to mention that the employees working at these fine locations aren't usually the happiest people. This just adds to the collective depression and frustration that DMV's seem to inspire. I strongly considered this for #1, but...

1) J.C. Penney


... there's no beating this hellhole. This place is the inspiration for this list. I'd have to go clothes shopping as a kid and this would often be the destination. It got to the point where, when my mom would tell me that we were going here, I would tell my mom, "Nothing good ever happened at a J.C. Penney." I stand by that statement to that day. J.C. Penney is a gathering place for all of the minor annoyances in the world to congregate and mockingly laugh at the poor mortals that come through looking to scratch a nagging consumer itch. Here is my list of grievances against this secretly terrible force.
A) It's never a short trip. A trip to J.C. Penney is usually between half an hour and a full hour long. Oh and what a time it is. Trying on endless dorky clothes, most of which don't fit, looking for that misfit piece of clothing that looks half decent in those lying mirrors. Speaking of that...
B) They don't have my size. J.C Penney carries clothing for fat people, or at least people larger than myself (most of whom, in all fairness, aren't really fat). Maybe I'm just difficult (27-28X34 pant size, Adult S-M shirt size), but when a store doesn't have a single stylish small shirt, but plenty in XXXXXXL, it's frustrating. For pants, don't even ask. They don't make clothes for people who are skinny, period. I don't care if you make all of your money selling jeans to fat people trying to get a better self-image, throw me a bone here.
C) Gratingly annoying advertising. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWFsOkvGAug&feature=related . Check out :40, :49, :51. Does that appeal to anyone but parents who think their kids go to the same school from Grease? Way to aim for the stupid, cutesy demographic J.C. Penney.
D) Slogans. Here are some J.C. Penney advertising slogans during the history of the company. "It's All Inside" (...just not at this store...), "Every Day Matters" (...so don't waste yours here...), "We Know What You're Looking For" (...but we don't have it here...), and the painfully obvious "This is J.C. Penney" (...run while you still can...). Hope you didn't pay too much for those J.C. Penney. I've got a good one for your next ad campaign. "J.C. Penney... Where Fun Goes to Die".
E) Active boredom. At the DMV, you can read a book or play a video game. At J.C. Penney, your full attention is required. No idle time, just merciless shopping.
F) 'Helpful' Employees. If any of these poor souls wanted to really help, they'd just point to the exit.
G) They're based in my least favorite state in the United States. Texas.
J.C. Penney.... you can go screw yourself. I hope I'm smart enough to marry someone who wouldn't force the kids to go to this place.

HONORABLE MENTIONS


Arby's, Linens 'N Things, WWE/UFC matches, Hookah Bars, Yoshinoya, Sunglasses Hut, gun shows, Detroit, Tobacco shops, Hummer dealerships.