Top 5 Most Overrated Disneyland Resort Rides

Hi again!
Hope your week went well. Thanks for the extensive set of comments people left. Always fun to have a little baseball debate.
My goal with this blog is to alternate sports and non-sports topics so that I can mix it up for the non-sports fan and the sports fan.
I'm a big Disney guy. Always have been, probably always will be. I grew up in Orlando and still have my annual pass from when I was 5 years old. Nowadays I own an annual pass to Disneyland. It' s something that's stuck with me, something that's in my blood. However, that doesn't mean that every ride is perfect.
This list is a little more subjective than my last one. Here are the rules for this weekend's list:

1) Overrated means overrated. It does not mean bad or terrible. It simply means that a ride is not as good of a ride as people often say it is. Keep that in mind because people often mess up the word, and some of the rides on this list that are overrated I do generally like.

2) If I haven't ridden it, it is not eligible.

3) 3-D movies count as rides, parades and scheduled shows do not. I don't have any real legitimate reason for making this distinction.

4) The rating is based on what is overrated for me, me being a 19 year old male who likes thrill rides but has a healthy respect for nostalgia.

5) The length of the line for a ride does have an impact on my view of what a ride is rated.

6) The Disney Railroad and Monorail are not rides (but probably wouldn't make my list anyway)

Strangely enough, not one of these rides are in the generally unpopular California Adventure. Let the games begin!

5) The Enchanted Tiki Room

What it's rated as: This ride/show is rated as a must-see for ''true" Disney fans visiting the park. It was the first attraction at Disneyland to use animatronics. The song is considered a classic and it is viewed as a hidden treasure in Disneyland. The lines aren't long, but the experience is viewed as important.

Why it made this list: First off, let me get one thing clear. Old animatronics and animatronics in general are overrated. They didn't fool me as a kid and they look awkward and jerky (and not in an endearing way). It's a bit sad to see some of these old ones nowadays because the difference is pretty large. Now to the ride itself... How nostalgic is it really? It's not based on a movie, the song is not particularly well known outside of Disney-philes. I don't know the characters, there's no real story, and it's way too long.
The real problem with this show is that it's reached the point where it has moved from nostalgic to flat-out outdated. For those of you who haven't been on it, the ride is "hosted" by four birds: Jose, Pierre, Michael, and Fritz. All four have outrageous, borderline offensive accents. The one that stands out is Jose. He does that annoying, phony accent with too many ch- sounds where they don't belong. It's not realistic, and it's downright obsolete. Not to mention the jokes are terrible, and the songs are difficult to listen to. Sure there are some cool things about this ride. The illusion of rain is one, the tikis are another. But generally, this is vastly overrated and is a ride that people convince themselves they like more than they really do.

4) Autopia

How it's rated: An oldie but a goodie. A ride that allows kids to live up to the fantasy of driving a car well before they can drive. Is it a great ride? No, but it's a good one and a solid way to spend time at Disneyland. The lines are generally pretty long.

Why it made this list: Wrong wrong wrong. This ride is not great, it's not good, it's downright bad. This is the one ride on this list that is simultaneously overrated and god awful. Where do I start? This is one ride where the line to get on is just as bad as the line to get off. Driving on the 5 Freeway to get to the park isn't as badly overcrowded as the "freeway" on this ride at the end. Plus the ride itself takes away the fun of the fantasy of driving. Kids don't fantasize about keeping a safe following distance (something the ride forces you to do), obeying a slow speed limit, and waiting. It's not that fun of a ride. Oh, and by the way, it uses gas too. So it not only sucks as a ride, it also pollutes.

3) Finding Nemo: Underwater Submarine Voyage

What it's rated as: A reimagining of a classic Disney ride. An update that banks on a major Disney/Pixar property. A ride that takes CGI and makes it real. Oh, and it's the longest line in the park, occasionally a not-at-all-exaggerated 3 hour wait. Not even a Dream Fast Pass gets you out of waiting for this one.

Why it made this list: On sheer line alone, this ride is clearly rated as a great new addition to Disneyland. But that's until you actually ride on it. It is downright boring. Slow-moving, takes 15+ minutes. If you've seen Finding Nemo, you've seen a longer version of this ride's story. But the worst part about this ride is that it totally lacks illusion. Sure the CGI characters are suspended in the water. Wonderful. But if I'm supposedly 1,500 feet underwater I shouldn't see the surface of the water. At the very least Disney could have built something on the sub to obstruct the view. Sloppy and shocking given the attempt at visual realism the rest of the ride tries to have.
Let me also say this. I'm a kid at heart. I go around Disney wearing a pirate Mickey hat. I do a different voice for each different ride. But there's a point where even I say grow up. Stay away from this ride if you're in college... please?

2) Indiana Jones Adventure

What it's rated as: One of the best rides in Disneyland. Immersive, exciting, adventurous. It's based on one of the best action heroes on the silver screen. The generally long wait time is a good indication of what people think.

Why it made this list: This is a case of a ride being solid but not spectacular. Overrated, but not overly boring. To get the positive points out of the way: Yes, this ride is really immersive. Disney added plenty of little touches to this ride that engage and envelop the rider. The line queue is done in the style and accordance with the rest of the temple and a temple theme. The special handicapped elevators that nobody really sees are fully themed. The ride intro and safety video matches the ride in beautiful black and white. The ride feels like a jeep traveling through a temple. Even when the ride breaks down, the vehicle still bucks and stops and starts like a stalling old car would. These little touches are inspired and are to be commended.
However, this ride is highly overrated for a few reasons. 1) Animatronic Indy looks stupid. He's jerky and unconvincing. Is it the best they could've done at the time? Maybe... but that doesn't mean it's good enough. If they can do Jack Sparrow on Pirates well, they can do Indy well too. 2) It's not really a big time thrill ride. It has some exciting moments, but the ride's intensity and thrill don't compare to other major thrills. (The Matterhorn, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, California Screamin', etc.) It just doesn't stack up. 3) The three different choices at the beginning of the ride is a good idea, but gimmicky. For those who haven't ridden it, at the beginning of the ride one of three random 'wishes/desires' is assigned to you. Earthly riches, knowing the future, and having eternal life. The idiotic believe that the ride really changes based on which door you go through. The only thing that changes is the color scheme. This is a halfhearted attempt at ride innovation. If the ride truly had three paths or at least three different and interesting ways to start the ride, this would be one of my favorites. As it stands, it's a gimmick and a generally useless one.
Overall the ride doesn't live up to its billing as an elite Disneyland ride.

1) Splash Mountain

What it's rated as: The ultimate flume ride. Themed as a briar patch, and following the story of Brer Rabbit from the controversial Song of the South. It is a great way to cool off, have a quick thrill, and (briefly) sing along with the always inspiring Zippa De Doo Dah. It is a big thrill ride, has the wait time and popularity to prove it, despite being stuffed in a relatively remote corner of the park. One of the best rides and the best water ride at Disneyland.

Why it's on this list: Anyone who has been to Disneyland with me before is shocked with this selection. I have done nothing but rave about this ride in the past. But a lot of this list is about putting emotion aside and really looking at a ride. I think Splash Mountain has managed to be as highly acclaimed of a ride as it is, because it uses audio-based mind control to distract from the ride's shortcomings as a basic flume ride. This ride may have the catchiest soundtrack of any ride I've ever been on. The simple phrase from one of the songs "Gotta be movin' along" was repeated ad nauseum for weeks after I rode on the ride. The crocodile who asks you to "Take him along" has this booming bass voice that gets stuck in your head. The songs are lyrically simple, catchy as hell, and ultimately, deceptive. I have no problem with a ride being both a great water ride and a musical of sorts.
But the songs distract from the fact that it's not truly a great flume ride. The pictures showing you in free fall on the log distract you from the fact that it's not truly a great flume ride. If you really look at it, the water ride element of this water ride is substandard. In my mind, a water ride has three major objectives. 1) Get you wet. 2) Give you a decent thrill. 3) Get you really wet. The ride gives you a solid thrill on the main drop and even a little bit on the dip inside of the dark portion of the ride. But Splash Mountain suffers from a major problem in retrospect. It doesn't get you very wet. In fact, it gets you the worst kind of wet state to be in, slightly damp. About 9 times out of 10, the ride ends with mostly everyone sitting high and dry. Splash Mountain should completely and totally soak you. Grizzly River Rapids, Disney's other water ride, doesn't screw this up. You are either soaked or wet as hell when you get off of that ride (depending on your timing). On Splash Mountain, you are dry, damp, or rarely, pretty wet. The ride fails in this critical aspect, yet nobody cares because they're too damn hypnotized by the music. This is still a great ride, but when you peel away the ancillary stuff, it is not at the level that so many people put it on. I recommend renaming it Moist Towlette Mountain or Damp Mountain in light of this. It takes the prize as most overrated ride for consistently getting me to overrate it.
On a side note, the ride makers were kind of assholes. They have this sign post towards the end with one path going towards Doo Dah Landing and another going to Catfish Bend. Sadly, there is no choice, the ride makes you go and only tantalizes you with the possibility of singing catfish. Jerks.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Soarin' Over California (It's not bad, pretty relaxing, but about 80% of the seats on the ride are at a weird angle to the screen.)

Pirates of the Caribbean (It should probably be on this list, but I couldn't bring my pirate-y heart to do it. Plus, it has an upscale restaurant in the middle of the ride, how badass is that? If the Blue Bayou counts as part of this ride, no way is it overrated.)

Star Tours (The ride's age is starting to show a bit...)

RIDES YOU THINK SHOULD BE ON THIS LIST BUT AREN'T (AND WHY)

The Maliboomer (Screw you, this ride is one of the greatest concentrated thrills you can get at any Disney park. 180 feet in four seconds + cast members who screw with your mind. Disney's wrong for removing it.)

Anything in Fantasyland (I don't think anything there's rated that highly by most people in my age range anyway)

Mullholland Madness (One of the most underrated rides in the either park actually. It's a little short lengthwise, but I have never felt more unsafe on a ride than on this one. The ride also subtly messes with your mind. There is no greater thrill/fear on a ride than the idea that you may be suddenly tossed off the edge. Disney tucked it away in a back corner of the park, and it doesn't get much love... but I think this is a must-ride.)


That's all for this week! I may or may not post something else on Sunday. Either way expect a new, sports-related top 5 sometime next weekend.
Thanks for reading!

The Top 5 MLB Teams That Had the Most Impact on Modern Baseball

Hey again.
Of all of the major sports in the USA, baseball has one of the longest and most interesting histories. Teams shuffle all of the time, the game has changed significantly in the years it's been around. The game has had to be saved several times, yet has endured. For this list, I look at the 5 teams that had the biggest impact on the history of modern baseball as we know it. There are a few conditions I've laid out for this list.
1) Records do not count. They don't impact the evolution of the game.
2) Players do. If a player makes history that changes the game, that team gets credit. I don't care if "it was going to happen at some point soon anyway". It didn't.
3) Being old or really really bad (or good) doesn't make you historically relevant. Just because a team has been around a long time doesn't mean it's made a big impact on the history and evolution of the game. Case in point, the Cubs aren't on this list because being terrible for 100 years doesn't mean you made an impact. Also, if the franchise doesn't exist today, it is ineligible.
4) Causation only gets you so far. The Red Sox are not more historically relevant because they traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees. The Yankees, however, are relevant for having Babe Ruth.
5) Not every impact has to be a positive one. There's one team in particular this applies to.

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS LONG! Glad we got all of that clear. Here's the list.

5) Pittsburgh Pirates

I'll tell you this much... the Pirates couldn't make this list for being good even if they wanted to. 15 straight losing seasons (and counting) has thrown that out the window. Admittedly, this list gets pretty shaky after the top 4, so there are probably a couple of team you could make a case for. Here's why the Pirates are my #5.

a) Had the first really smart general manager... and helped end a competing league.

Ever wonder why the Pirates are called the Pirates? They used to be called the Pittsburgh Allegheny's until in 1894, their GM started making some... aggressive moves. Here's a little bit of background. In 1890, second baseman Lou Bierbauer of the Philadelphia A's and a whole boatload of players jumped ship from the National League and American Association to join the Player's League. When that league folded, a lot of players returned to their NL and AA teams. Bierbauer did not however, he was instead signed by the Allegheny's. A cross league fight ensued with the Allegheny's winning and the A's manager calling the Alleghenys' actions "piratical". Hence the name. This fight ultimately led to the downfall of the American Association, one of the NL's earlier competitors. In another move in 1899, Pittsburgh plundered every star player of the soon-to-be-contracted Louisville Colonels for 4 unknown players. Yarrrrrrrr!

b) Broke baseball's humanitarian barrier.

This is a relatively small item, but having the great Roberto Clemente play for you is a big deal. Clemente, while by no means the first Hispanic or black Hispanic player, faced a certain degree of racism from his teammates over the years. His work off the field, however, posthumously earned him the Congressional Gold Medal and the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2002 and has an award named after him. He's considered one of the great humanitarian athletes ever to play any sport.

4) Chicago White Sox

This team may surprise someone who has a more modern knowledge of the history of baseball. After all, the White Sox are the second most important team in their own city. They don't have a lot of World Series banners to their name. Their title drought was longer (albeit less painful) than the Red Sox's cursed 86-year one. However, Chicago's second team has had the most impact on the game. Here's why they're #4:

a) They nearly ended baseball as we know it.

For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, Google or Wikipedia the 1919 World Series or the Black Sox Scandal. Or read "Eight Men Out" or see the movie of the same name. To sum it up quickly, the White Sox threw a World Series after being paid off by gamblers, the public found out, baseball looked really bad and attendance suffered. Baseball nearly folded. As I said before, not every impact on the game has to be a positive one. You don't get any more negative than nearly destroying a league and certainly crippling it.

b) They created the commissioner's office.

To save face for the Black Sox scandal, Major League Baseball appointed Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis it's first commissioner of baseball. Pretty big change, wouldn't you say? Slight extra negative credit for the White Sox that Landis was a jerk, upheld the color barrier, and protected baseball from competition. I'm not sure if any team has had as much of a negative impact as these guys did.

3) New York Yankees

You may be surprised seeing the Yankees this low on the list. After all, they're one of the most successful professional sports franchises to ever exist. Unfortunately for the Yankees, winning over 20% of all of the World Series doesn't really qualify you for this list. Neither does the sheer amount of money they've spent, the amount of managers they've hired and fired, nor just generally being assholes. That doesn't mean there aren't several reasons why the Yankees make this list.

a) The Bambino.

Babe Ruth is arguably the most legendary player to ever play the game. He's larger than life, mythic, and just plain important. Ruth isn't on here for hitting a lot of home runs. The Sultan of Swat did much more than that... He saved baseball. The White Sox nearly destroyed it and the small-ball tactics of the day didn't help. Babe and his mighty bat came along and picked the game back up. He and he alone drove crowds back to the parks. He also became the first baseball player to really be a major national celebrity.

b) The House That Ruth (and the Yankees) Built.

Baseball stadiums are not generally very permanent. Those that have stood the test of the time generally must have done something right. For the Yankees, that something that was done right was capacity. Building a stadium of that magnitude set up baseball to grow over the decades to come. The fact it lasted as long as it did is a testament to it's impact on baseball and the parks where it's played. It doesn't have to be the best stadium to have the biggest impact.

c) Bringing America back... sort of.

After 9/11/2001, America was reeling. After a short hiatus, baseball and football resumed play and helped rally America in the face of recovering from a major catastrophe. Both sports still fight over which one had more to do with helping Americans get back to normal life. I personally remember baseball having a greater impact at the time, mainly because of the 2001 World Series. The 7-game showdown in 2001 between the Yankees and Diamondbacks was for my money the greatest World Series ever to be played. There are so many unforgettable moments and faces you can pick out from that series. Rudy Giuliani, George W. Bush, Byung Hyung Kim, Mr. November, Mariano Rivera, Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, Luis Gonzalez. Yeah, the Yankees didn't win, but their mere presence was enough to make an impact on the city's psyche. This didn't have as much of an impact on the game itself... but I felt like including it anyway so take that and shove it.

2) St. Louis Cardinals

Ahh yes, the Cardinals. Gems of the Midwest. The Cardinals aren't here for winning the most World Series in the NL. They aren't here for having one of the worst WS winners ever (2007 Cardinals). They aren't here for driving the hapless St. Louis Browns and Bill Veeck out of town. Here's why they are sitting pretty at #2:

a) No Cardinals, no free agency.

Without getting into too much detail, baseball operated essentially as slavery for years. The Reserve Clause, in place until 1975, kept players from moving unless the team let them. The clause allowed teams to automatically re-sign players to a new contract every season. There were no 6 year deals, only a string of one year deals with the same salary. In 1969, Curt Flood realized that this was a pile of crap. He took baseball to court (eventually the Supreme Court) fighting the reserve clause and his potential trade. Although he lost the case, he inspired players to rally and keep pressing the issue. Eventually, in 1975, the reserve clause was abolished and free agency was established. This has had a wide-ranging effect on the game and salaries. It has made off-season baseball interesting, gives hope to every fan (except maybe Cubs fans), but also makes rooting for your team often a bit too much like rooting for laundry. You gotta take the good with the bad.

b) Went along for the ride in 1998 - baseball's Summer of Love.

This entire section revolves around one Cardinal and his resurrection of baseball in 1998. Mark "I don't want to talk about the past" McGwire (with supporting actor Sammy Sosa) starred in the hit summer movie of 1998, "Chasing Roger Maris". The movie was a big box office success, with McGwire and Sosa helping fans forget all about the World Series being canceled in 1994 and reviving the game. McGwire smashed Maris' single season home run record of 61 with 70 bombs of his own. Forget about the fact that both McGwire and Sosa were on 'roids at the time and soon after disgrace the game. This was a big shot in the arm for baseball, and it helped bring fans back to the ballpark big time. It's not just chicks who dig the long ball.

c) Created the Farm system.

Branch Rickey had a huge impact on the game of baseball. He was behind Jackie Robinson's barrier breaking feat and drafted Roberto Clemente. This was no different. While working with the St. Louis Cardinals, Rickey established an extensive minor league "farm" system that allowed the Cardinals to develop younger players while maintaining their rights. This allowed the Cardinals to form the infamous Gashouse Gang and create a winning club, but, more importantly, changed the way baseball integrated younger players. The commissioner of baseball tried to stop Rickey and failed. This laid the groundwork for the system we have today.

1) Brooklyn/Los Angeles Dodgers

Before I get into why the Dodgers clearly have had the most impact on the game of baseball, let me preface this with a few things. I'm not a Dodgers fan. I go to school in LA, but I'm from Santa Fe and a D'backs guy all of the way. I think the Dodgers have one of the worst fan experiences at Dodger Stadium I've ever had in the majors (and I've been to Tropicana Field). Dodgers Stadium is one of the most overrated stadiums ever. The "I'm going to show up for 5 innings" fans suck. The whole place feels like it's on lockdown. But as far as impact on the game of baseball goes, they have absolutely no equal. Here's the Dodgers impressive resume.

a) Responsible for the Existence/Relocation of Nine Current Major League Teams

When the Dodgers moved from Brooklyn to Los Angeles in 1958, they didn't just break a lot of hearts; they opened the Southwest and the West Coast to the major leagues. In doing so, they paved the way for the placement nine of baseball's current 30 teams. Let's count (going sort of counterclockwise)... Seattle Mariners, Oakland A's, San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Diego Padres, Arizona Diamondbacks, Colorado Rockies, and the New York Mets (someone had to replace the Dodgers and Giants). For those nitpickers who say that the Giants and Dodgers moved together, you're right, but the deal was really engineered by Walter O'Malley. The Giants just tagged along. As far as I know, no other single team has had this type of impact.

b) Integrated Baseball
The impact this move has had on the game is immeasurable. The color barrier and baseball's segregation was an ugly part of the game's past. The Dodgers and Jackie Robinson shattered this when Robinson took the field April 15 of 1947. His courage, determination, perseverance, and remarkable dignity in the face of ignorance and racism helped baseball advance. Jackie paved the way for all of the great African American players that would follow in his footsteps. The game would not have been the same without his contribution.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Texas Rangers (A-Rod's contract)

Boston Red Sox (Winning the First Modern World Series)

Boston/Milwaukee/Atlanta Braves (Inspiring O'Malley to Relocate, Sort of Setting Relocation in Motion)

TEAMS YOU THINK SHOULD BE ON THE LIST BUT SHOULDN'T (AND WHY)

Chicago Cubs (Being arguably the worst professional sports franchise ever to exist doesn't mean you impacted history in a meaningful way, neither does having arguably the best ballpark in Major League Baseball)

Boston Red Sox (Being cursed and almost there year after year doesn't make you historically impactful, neither does having the best ballpark I've ever been to, nor does being stupid by trading away Babe Ruth)

Philadelphia Phillies (Having the most losses of any team ever doesn't cut it, neither does throwing the most things at players, nor does booing everyone, and having the most obvious name doesn't help your case either)

Hope you enjoyed the article. Look for a much shorter one on a totally different topic next weekend.
Til then...
Alex

Welcome to the Jungle

Hey you!
Yes, I mean you. The guy/girl who's reading this in your underwear/at work/at home/in an insane asylum.
Welcome to my blog. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Alex, and I'm a junior at USC majoring in broadcast journalism.
Let me explain what's likely to be in this blog. As you might tell from the title, it'll be a lot of Top 5 lists. Some will be interesting, some will be funny, some will make little sense, and still some will be dumb. My plan is to post one Top 5 list every week. Because I'm a sports nut, a lot of these lists will have to do with sports (but certainly not all of them).
If you don't agree, post it in the comments and I'll try to respond.
Otherwise I hope you enjoy.
Look for the first entry in just a few minutes.
Later,
Alex