Top 5 Most Overrated Disneyland Resort Rides

Hi again!
Hope your week went well. Thanks for the extensive set of comments people left. Always fun to have a little baseball debate.
My goal with this blog is to alternate sports and non-sports topics so that I can mix it up for the non-sports fan and the sports fan.
I'm a big Disney guy. Always have been, probably always will be. I grew up in Orlando and still have my annual pass from when I was 5 years old. Nowadays I own an annual pass to Disneyland. It' s something that's stuck with me, something that's in my blood. However, that doesn't mean that every ride is perfect.
This list is a little more subjective than my last one. Here are the rules for this weekend's list:

1) Overrated means overrated. It does not mean bad or terrible. It simply means that a ride is not as good of a ride as people often say it is. Keep that in mind because people often mess up the word, and some of the rides on this list that are overrated I do generally like.

2) If I haven't ridden it, it is not eligible.

3) 3-D movies count as rides, parades and scheduled shows do not. I don't have any real legitimate reason for making this distinction.

4) The rating is based on what is overrated for me, me being a 19 year old male who likes thrill rides but has a healthy respect for nostalgia.

5) The length of the line for a ride does have an impact on my view of what a ride is rated.

6) The Disney Railroad and Monorail are not rides (but probably wouldn't make my list anyway)

Strangely enough, not one of these rides are in the generally unpopular California Adventure. Let the games begin!

5) The Enchanted Tiki Room

What it's rated as: This ride/show is rated as a must-see for ''true" Disney fans visiting the park. It was the first attraction at Disneyland to use animatronics. The song is considered a classic and it is viewed as a hidden treasure in Disneyland. The lines aren't long, but the experience is viewed as important.

Why it made this list: First off, let me get one thing clear. Old animatronics and animatronics in general are overrated. They didn't fool me as a kid and they look awkward and jerky (and not in an endearing way). It's a bit sad to see some of these old ones nowadays because the difference is pretty large. Now to the ride itself... How nostalgic is it really? It's not based on a movie, the song is not particularly well known outside of Disney-philes. I don't know the characters, there's no real story, and it's way too long.
The real problem with this show is that it's reached the point where it has moved from nostalgic to flat-out outdated. For those of you who haven't been on it, the ride is "hosted" by four birds: Jose, Pierre, Michael, and Fritz. All four have outrageous, borderline offensive accents. The one that stands out is Jose. He does that annoying, phony accent with too many ch- sounds where they don't belong. It's not realistic, and it's downright obsolete. Not to mention the jokes are terrible, and the songs are difficult to listen to. Sure there are some cool things about this ride. The illusion of rain is one, the tikis are another. But generally, this is vastly overrated and is a ride that people convince themselves they like more than they really do.

4) Autopia

How it's rated: An oldie but a goodie. A ride that allows kids to live up to the fantasy of driving a car well before they can drive. Is it a great ride? No, but it's a good one and a solid way to spend time at Disneyland. The lines are generally pretty long.

Why it made this list: Wrong wrong wrong. This ride is not great, it's not good, it's downright bad. This is the one ride on this list that is simultaneously overrated and god awful. Where do I start? This is one ride where the line to get on is just as bad as the line to get off. Driving on the 5 Freeway to get to the park isn't as badly overcrowded as the "freeway" on this ride at the end. Plus the ride itself takes away the fun of the fantasy of driving. Kids don't fantasize about keeping a safe following distance (something the ride forces you to do), obeying a slow speed limit, and waiting. It's not that fun of a ride. Oh, and by the way, it uses gas too. So it not only sucks as a ride, it also pollutes.

3) Finding Nemo: Underwater Submarine Voyage

What it's rated as: A reimagining of a classic Disney ride. An update that banks on a major Disney/Pixar property. A ride that takes CGI and makes it real. Oh, and it's the longest line in the park, occasionally a not-at-all-exaggerated 3 hour wait. Not even a Dream Fast Pass gets you out of waiting for this one.

Why it made this list: On sheer line alone, this ride is clearly rated as a great new addition to Disneyland. But that's until you actually ride on it. It is downright boring. Slow-moving, takes 15+ minutes. If you've seen Finding Nemo, you've seen a longer version of this ride's story. But the worst part about this ride is that it totally lacks illusion. Sure the CGI characters are suspended in the water. Wonderful. But if I'm supposedly 1,500 feet underwater I shouldn't see the surface of the water. At the very least Disney could have built something on the sub to obstruct the view. Sloppy and shocking given the attempt at visual realism the rest of the ride tries to have.
Let me also say this. I'm a kid at heart. I go around Disney wearing a pirate Mickey hat. I do a different voice for each different ride. But there's a point where even I say grow up. Stay away from this ride if you're in college... please?

2) Indiana Jones Adventure

What it's rated as: One of the best rides in Disneyland. Immersive, exciting, adventurous. It's based on one of the best action heroes on the silver screen. The generally long wait time is a good indication of what people think.

Why it made this list: This is a case of a ride being solid but not spectacular. Overrated, but not overly boring. To get the positive points out of the way: Yes, this ride is really immersive. Disney added plenty of little touches to this ride that engage and envelop the rider. The line queue is done in the style and accordance with the rest of the temple and a temple theme. The special handicapped elevators that nobody really sees are fully themed. The ride intro and safety video matches the ride in beautiful black and white. The ride feels like a jeep traveling through a temple. Even when the ride breaks down, the vehicle still bucks and stops and starts like a stalling old car would. These little touches are inspired and are to be commended.
However, this ride is highly overrated for a few reasons. 1) Animatronic Indy looks stupid. He's jerky and unconvincing. Is it the best they could've done at the time? Maybe... but that doesn't mean it's good enough. If they can do Jack Sparrow on Pirates well, they can do Indy well too. 2) It's not really a big time thrill ride. It has some exciting moments, but the ride's intensity and thrill don't compare to other major thrills. (The Matterhorn, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, California Screamin', etc.) It just doesn't stack up. 3) The three different choices at the beginning of the ride is a good idea, but gimmicky. For those who haven't ridden it, at the beginning of the ride one of three random 'wishes/desires' is assigned to you. Earthly riches, knowing the future, and having eternal life. The idiotic believe that the ride really changes based on which door you go through. The only thing that changes is the color scheme. This is a halfhearted attempt at ride innovation. If the ride truly had three paths or at least three different and interesting ways to start the ride, this would be one of my favorites. As it stands, it's a gimmick and a generally useless one.
Overall the ride doesn't live up to its billing as an elite Disneyland ride.

1) Splash Mountain

What it's rated as: The ultimate flume ride. Themed as a briar patch, and following the story of Brer Rabbit from the controversial Song of the South. It is a great way to cool off, have a quick thrill, and (briefly) sing along with the always inspiring Zippa De Doo Dah. It is a big thrill ride, has the wait time and popularity to prove it, despite being stuffed in a relatively remote corner of the park. One of the best rides and the best water ride at Disneyland.

Why it's on this list: Anyone who has been to Disneyland with me before is shocked with this selection. I have done nothing but rave about this ride in the past. But a lot of this list is about putting emotion aside and really looking at a ride. I think Splash Mountain has managed to be as highly acclaimed of a ride as it is, because it uses audio-based mind control to distract from the ride's shortcomings as a basic flume ride. This ride may have the catchiest soundtrack of any ride I've ever been on. The simple phrase from one of the songs "Gotta be movin' along" was repeated ad nauseum for weeks after I rode on the ride. The crocodile who asks you to "Take him along" has this booming bass voice that gets stuck in your head. The songs are lyrically simple, catchy as hell, and ultimately, deceptive. I have no problem with a ride being both a great water ride and a musical of sorts.
But the songs distract from the fact that it's not truly a great flume ride. The pictures showing you in free fall on the log distract you from the fact that it's not truly a great flume ride. If you really look at it, the water ride element of this water ride is substandard. In my mind, a water ride has three major objectives. 1) Get you wet. 2) Give you a decent thrill. 3) Get you really wet. The ride gives you a solid thrill on the main drop and even a little bit on the dip inside of the dark portion of the ride. But Splash Mountain suffers from a major problem in retrospect. It doesn't get you very wet. In fact, it gets you the worst kind of wet state to be in, slightly damp. About 9 times out of 10, the ride ends with mostly everyone sitting high and dry. Splash Mountain should completely and totally soak you. Grizzly River Rapids, Disney's other water ride, doesn't screw this up. You are either soaked or wet as hell when you get off of that ride (depending on your timing). On Splash Mountain, you are dry, damp, or rarely, pretty wet. The ride fails in this critical aspect, yet nobody cares because they're too damn hypnotized by the music. This is still a great ride, but when you peel away the ancillary stuff, it is not at the level that so many people put it on. I recommend renaming it Moist Towlette Mountain or Damp Mountain in light of this. It takes the prize as most overrated ride for consistently getting me to overrate it.
On a side note, the ride makers were kind of assholes. They have this sign post towards the end with one path going towards Doo Dah Landing and another going to Catfish Bend. Sadly, there is no choice, the ride makes you go and only tantalizes you with the possibility of singing catfish. Jerks.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Soarin' Over California (It's not bad, pretty relaxing, but about 80% of the seats on the ride are at a weird angle to the screen.)

Pirates of the Caribbean (It should probably be on this list, but I couldn't bring my pirate-y heart to do it. Plus, it has an upscale restaurant in the middle of the ride, how badass is that? If the Blue Bayou counts as part of this ride, no way is it overrated.)

Star Tours (The ride's age is starting to show a bit...)

RIDES YOU THINK SHOULD BE ON THIS LIST BUT AREN'T (AND WHY)

The Maliboomer (Screw you, this ride is one of the greatest concentrated thrills you can get at any Disney park. 180 feet in four seconds + cast members who screw with your mind. Disney's wrong for removing it.)

Anything in Fantasyland (I don't think anything there's rated that highly by most people in my age range anyway)

Mullholland Madness (One of the most underrated rides in the either park actually. It's a little short lengthwise, but I have never felt more unsafe on a ride than on this one. The ride also subtly messes with your mind. There is no greater thrill/fear on a ride than the idea that you may be suddenly tossed off the edge. Disney tucked it away in a back corner of the park, and it doesn't get much love... but I think this is a must-ride.)


That's all for this week! I may or may not post something else on Sunday. Either way expect a new, sports-related top 5 sometime next weekend.
Thanks for reading!